Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
