were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
