After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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