he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
