But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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