Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
