dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
