I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
