I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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