she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
