U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
