You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
