OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
