Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
