Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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