Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
