The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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