There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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