Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
