Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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