you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
