girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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