he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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