They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
