Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
