Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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