So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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