We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
