i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
