Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
