All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
