My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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