DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
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Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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