hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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