By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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