Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
