I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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