Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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