fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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