Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
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