Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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