Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
