I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
