Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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