white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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