Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
