This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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