Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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