he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was confusing and full of hummus
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
