I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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