they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you had me at cake vodka
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
