i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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