i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
