I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
