Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
