I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
