Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
