Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i've created a new STD.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
