I bet he comes in French.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
