I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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