We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
