I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
