all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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