his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
