Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
