I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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