My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
