Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
